Pop Culture
by NewtonLangly
Summary: A movie opens and Gir wants to see it and Zim takes him. But roving reporter Phil Cardona is also there and he's got something to tell Zim. Plus Gir discovers the joys of artifical butter flavoring


Invader Zim is property of Nickelodeon Entertainment and any other respective owner. Phil Cardona is based on Hunter S Thompson

  
  
  
  


Summary: A movie opens in town and Gir wants to see it. Reluctantly Zim comes along. But at the theater is roving reporter Phil Cardona. But Phil has something to tell Zim when he runs into him. Plus Gir discovers the joys of artificial-butter flavoring. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Pop Culture

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was morning in the city and its citizens were getting up to do what they had to for that day. These citizens included one malcontent alien who had plans to dominate the Earth.

"GIR!" Zim screamed. 

Gir turned away from the tv which was on. "Yes?"

"Go outside and see what's happening."

Gir turned away from Zim and looked at the tv. It was showing a commercial for a new movie that was being billed as the new blockbuster to shatter all records. It was called "Barney Peters". It was based on a wildly successful children's novel about an up-incoming explorer who traveled the world and encountered amazing adventures.

"Ooh, I want to go!" Gir wined.

"Gir! Go outside." Zim screamed again.

Gir looked at Zim and then slowly got of the couch. He sulked as he put on his disguise and went outside. Just as he opened the door. He began to shout for joy.

"GIR!" Zim now sounding more irritated then ever. "What's going on?"

"MOVIE!" He squealed with joy.

Zim got of his chair and peaked through a window. He noticed a line of people in front of his house. They all had "Barney Peters" memorabilia and many of which were children. However there were adults and all had excited looks on their faces.

"What's so great about some, some piece of film? Yeech, the name smacks of sounding like filth. Which is what those hu-mans are."

Gir just stared at him through his disguise. Then began to jump up and down.

"I WANT TO GO. I WANT TO GO." He said over and over again as he jumped all over the place.

Zim stood there and a vein began to bulge in his head. "FINE! We shall go see this mo-vie."

Gir stopped bouncing up and down. "YAY YAY" He then went back to jumping all over the place and repeating himself.

Zim just stood there, slapped his forehead, and gave an exasperated sigh.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Phil Cardona was having breakfast at the coffee shop in the lobby of the Gallery hotel. His table was covered in plates which contained the remains of his breakfast: Pancakes, eggs, bacon, marguerites and mimosas. The waitress came over and began to gather his plates.

"Excuse me I'd like another round."

"Of drinks?"

"No the whole thing, food, all the stuff."

The waitress gave him a destressed look and then took his plates away.

As Cardona looked around the room and clamped in his cigarette holder in his teeth. His cell phone started to ring.

He picked it up and answered it. "Yes?" He said quietly and politely.

"Phil, it's your editor."

Cardona looked around to make sure no one was watching him. "What's going on?"

"Just giving you a reminder that you're supposed to cover the opening of the "Barney Peters" film today.

The waitress came back with several plates and laid them down in front of Cardona. She then walked away quickly.

"Oh yes, don't worry I plan to have it under the deadline."

"I hope so Phil because even though your last story was great, try to get it on time."

"Well you know great journalism should not be rushed. I mean if Michelangelo rushed David would be two sizes too small."

"Whatever just do what you have to do to get the story in on time. I counting on you Phil."

As Cardona continued to listen he noticed a man with long hair enter the coffee shop. His face was covered with that of a Bloaty's Pizza Pig mask.

"Buy some pizza." The man said to a couple of people. They looked at him in disgust and walked out.

Cardona went back to his phone call. "All right I'll do what I can. Now I need to get back. President may call about that colonic I ordered for him." Cardona then hung up his phone and looked at the man with the pig mask sitting across from him. The man then peeled away the mask and revealed his true face. It was Cardona's friend Gunny.

"Gunny, what brings you here?"

"The usual, just living life to the fullest"

"Sounds nice, I may take that in some time."

"Why don't you?"

"Because friend. I need to be out there reporting the truth on what's happening in this fine land of ours. Where one can get a bucket of fries for 99 cents and a lipo-suction during lunch."

"That's good, but how's that book going?"

"Oh, the new one. It's in the publisher's hands now."

"Hey you better keep an eye out. Hollywood might want to make that into a film."

"Hmm, speaking of films." Cardona said as he looked at his watch. "I got to cover one. Feel free to eat what I've got here, it's on me."

"Thanks"

Cardona got up from his table and walked out of the coffee shop. Leaving Gunny to handle the plates of food and glasses of liquor.

  
  
  
  
  
  


They had been in the line for a couple of hours and the sun began to broil them in the heat. This was difficult for Zim, Irkens weren't equipped with the best sweat glands. This was made worse by his disguise. Plus he was between two people he was sure of that they hadn't bathed in months. 

One was a pudgy kid whose clothes didn't fit right. He had gone on and on about every minor detail in the books. All Zim could understand was his name: Iggins.

"And then in the Talisman of Time, Barney went to save Lenni whose his love but she doesn't know it. . . "

On and on Iggins went about the books, the pressure was reaching the boiling point and Zim was ready to pull a vaporizing gun on everyone in this crowd.

At the same time Gir was dancing with some kids who were interpreting certain scenes from the book. He loved every minute of it.

But Zim stood there under the burning sun muttering to himself. "When will it stop? When will it stop?"

Just as he paused before continuing his rambling. The line began to move and within minutes Zim and Gir were now in the theater.

"Now Gir, we must go to the movie viewing room and find our seats."

As they walked throught the massive theater the two of them walked by a concession stand which produced wafts of hot popcorn.

Zim began to gag. "What is that awful smell?"

Gir looked over and began to jump with excitement. "I want popcorn, I want popcorn."

"Fine, anything that will stop you from pestering me."

Zim went over to the stand and stood there waiting for someone to come.

"I demand that I be served your greasy smelly food."

An pimply faced movie attendant approached Zim.

"What can I get you?"

"A pop-corn, please."

"What size?"

. "Size?" Zim asked quizzically

"Yes, we got small, medium, and tub."

"Okay, I'll take small."

"That'll be $7.50"

"What! That's an outrage why should I pay so much for some processed yellowed food!"

The attendant just stared at him and said in a monotone. "You can get a tub for $3.50."

"Okay I'll take a tub."

"Do you want artificial-butter topping on that?"

While Zim didn't know what that was. He was in no mood to argue with the guy.

"Sure"

The attendant walked away and later came back with a bucket of popcorn covered in some slick yellow fluid. The bucket of popcorn was bigger than Zim's head.

"That'll be $3.50"

Zim produced some bills and paid the attendant. When he grabbed the bucket he could feel its immense weight.

"Can't hold on, container too big!" He said as he strained to carry it to the theater.

"Let me have some." Gir said. He then grabbed some popcorn and began to eat. He looked at his hand which was covered in yellow grease.

"What's this?" He asked

"Just some foul concoction that humans put on their food to make it taste better."

Gir stared at Zim and then gave a big smile. "I like this. I want more."

"Not now, we must get to the theater."

It took them several minutes to find their theater because the "Barney Peters" film was playing on eight screens in this place alone. Zim grew even more frustrated with what he had to deal with it. Soon he found the theater, that as printed on the ticket.

When they walked inside, he found the place found with squealing kids.

"NOOOOOO!" Zim screamed. He dropped the bucket of popcorn in front of him and began screaming with fear. Gir began to drink the artificial-butter topping and left the popcorn alone. As Zim rambled on. Gir left him and then came back with a cup of yellow fluid. He had gotten a jumbo cola cup and filled with the butter topping. Gir put a straw in it and began to drink it.

  
  


"Right this way Mr.Cardona. The director and star of the film are waiting for you."

Cardona was being lead through the theater's halls over to a theater that had been reserved by the movie studio. 

As he walked by, Cardona heard very familiar screams coming through one of the theaters. He stopped and opened the double doors, he found a very familiar person standing in the aisle rambling on about something.

"Zimmy" Cardona said to himself. He went over to one of the attendants. "Look I need to take care of something I'll be back within half an hour."

"No problem" The attendant said to him. "We'll hold the picture for you."

Cardona walked into the theater and saw the trailers were showing on screen. 

"Hello Zimmy." Cardona said to him

"Gah, it's the reporter. You'll never take me alive!"

A few of the patrons shushed him.

"Come with me." Cardona said

"Never!"

Cardona went over and grabbed Zim by his artificial hair and dragged him out of theater. As he was dragged along the floor. Zim could feel the stickiness of the floor and how he would pick up garbage along the way.

When he came out, he was covered with garbage and was knocked out.

"You gonna take a little ride, Zimmy"

Cardona took Zim outside and took his car: The 1984 Dodge Diplomat. He opened the back door and strap Zim down with every seat belt he had. Now Zim was enveloped with seat belts.

Cardona climbed into the front of the car and started the engine. The noise woke Zim up from his stupor.

"What is going on here?" Zim demanded. He squinted and recognized who was in the front seat. "You that reporter, Cardona." He mispronounced the name again. By saying Car-do-na. He turned around and faced Zim. He was wearing his dark sunglasses and Zim saw his reflection in the lenses.

"It's Car-done-na"

He then pressed his foot on the gas and pushed Zim into the back seat.

"AHHHHH!" He screamed as Carodona sped through the city streets in his late model sedan.

"Ah, you like that huh. How about this." Cardona produced a tape and put into the cassette player. It blared Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

Zim continued to scream as Cardona increased his speed.

"You see Zimmy, I'm doing this to teach you a lesson."

"What lesson is that, you fool?" 

"That you don't mess with society."

Cardona then made a hard left onto oncoming traffic.

"Now Zimmy, I see that you're some kind of mutant sent to conquer the Earth and what not. But you see, the problem with that is I don't like anyone messing with my life and the world I live in. I don't need some kind of whackjob trying to mess with society. Because brother, society has enough of you guys to start a new planet."

There was an upcoming hill and Cardona gunned the engine. The car went flying in the air just as the song was reaching its climax. The Diplomat went high into the air and then crashed onto the ground. 

"You guys are such a crack up." Cardona said with a smile. "But you'll never win."

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh throughout human history we've faced whackjobs like you down and won: Hitler, Mussolini, Tom Green, and you Zimmy. Why? Because society doesn't like people, who rock the boat. And you're the rocker. So Zimmy, I'd like to tell you this. The whackjobs don't win."

Cardona slammed on his brakes and got out of his car. He opened the back door and pushed Zim out of the car. Cardona got back in and sped away leaving Zim in the middle of town.

Zim was furious. "How dare he, say I'm this whackjob. When I'm done with him there, will be nothing left to whack!"

He then heard laughing coming from a couple of teenagers on the street. Zim stared at them and then walked away in disgust.

Meanwhile at the theater. Gir was on his third cup of butter-topping and was engrossed by the film. There was a pudgy kid beside him, it was Iggins.

"This is where Barney received the locket of Muslada." Iggins continued to talk

Gir just stared at the screen. "I love this show." He said and then took a big pull on his butter-topping.

  
  
  
  


THE END

  
  



End file.
